phone EDDY-quette.

I’m typically not what I would consider a phone person.

I don’t enjoy talking on them, I don’t care for idle chit chat and I don’t like the dead space of silence during a phone conversation. My philosophy for the phone is akin to the “ManHunt” gay website… get on, then get off.

I wasn’t always this way. I remember as a teenager on the phone the conversations would last for HOURS. I remember falling in love at least three times via a big black plastic wall phone in the rec room of my house growing up. It had a very long cord that could be wrapped at least three times around my thin frame with no problem. Dialing took minutes as I waited for the dial to return from the number “9.”

I’m thrilled that phones today have FINALLY become an incredible tool to use as more than just a phone, however, now I can’t be without my phone (even in the bathroom). I can’t put my phone down (except to type this blog). I use it for Face Book status updates. I type mine and read my friends. You’ve seen my blog rants on this before.

Bejeweled Blitz on my iphone is a competition (although I have FINALLY learned to TOTALLY ignore Adam Albright on the score board with his insane high scores. ALWAYS in the number ONE spot, I SWEAR he was abducted by aliens and probed in ways that included three jewels in a row) that I just can’t seem to kick. Did I say competition? I meant obsession. Between “Scrabble,” “Angry Birds,” and “Plants vs. Zombies” it’s a wonder I EVER put the damn thing down.

A built in camera allows for on the fly stills and video in an instant. Daryl and I have recorded birthday greetings and, on occasion, a drunken video or two using our phones. Recording notes and conversations are now passé. Listening to the latest music and downloading immediately what you hear is just a click and a password away.

I have apps on my phone that can not only give me the weather here in West Chester, but can give me meteorological specifics anywhere in the world. I have apps that give me directions, and restaurant locations and reviews; I can buy movie tickets in advance. I can even scan bar codes of any products and instantly get the item’s best sale location within a ten mile radius.

I can do my banking and pay bills on my phone. I can change the channel or record from my TV from any location (and I HAVE actually changed the channel from work to the religious channel when I know Daryl is at home watching “Survivor.”).

I can only imagine what the future holds for “smart phones.” I’m sure someday, they will be able to plug into your vehicle and automatically drive it home for you while pre-ordering takeout food on the way.

For now, the BEST feature of my iphone that I can’t live without is when I get up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night; it becomes my “flashlight” so I don’t trip over the cat or pee on the floor.

label me

single minds

that way because

of closing doors

in front this time

they claim their sky

the clouds pass by

to see them all

with judging eye

the labels name

pressed on a can

not over me

you closed mind man

the power of convenience…

I remember back in the late sixties, when bill paying was a FULL DAY of running around with my Mom and Dad in the town of West Chester, PA. Literally, we would drive around and street park all day for about a quarter and head directly to the First National Bank of West Chester with its gothic stone columns and hard-edged marble stairs. I think we were going to cash “the” paycheck.

There were these HUGE revolving doors that always seemed to solicit giggles as my brother and I would try to dart into adjoining door “spaces” to follow our parents inside. Once entry was gained, it was like another world in there… so different from the outside streets and sidewalks. Certainly a palatial interior of tall gold leaf wall papered walls, marble floors and chandeliers with well dressed tellers working behind shiny gold caged counters. The building echoed with dress shoes and clicking high heeled rhythms. Voices were hushed as if all the money within these walls was a BIG secret. There was a floor to ceiling safe at the back of the bank with an enormous wheel on it and people shuffled lots of paper too. Thick ball point pens and watermarked onion skin paper were everywhere.

Lunch was sometimes scheduled during this jaunt about streets named Market, High and Gay with an occasional Chestnut or Walnut thrown in as well. We’d venture over tree shaded, brick-tossed sidewalks and saunter into Woolworth’s in the center of town to sit squeezed snuggly into a baby blue plastic coated booth with a Formica topped table. Chocolate milkshakes with whipped cream and “frankfurters” on top-sliced toasted rolls and potato chips would make us more than satisfied. Though I never ate them, the plates were always garnished with pickles. My dad would always eat mine.

My brother and I would beeline after lunch to the back of the store where they housed “the pet department.” Actually, it was mostly goldfish, hamsters, colored dyed parakeets and the occasional rogue gecko or snake. I DO remember once we were allowed to purchase a small green turtle and island habitat complete with plastic palm tree that we took home and probably had for a month or so before he went to “turtle heaven” (read: toilet). 

After Woolworth’s, we’d head to PECO (Philadelphia Electric Company) which I THINK was in the “Green Tree Building” on High Street, then over to pay the phone bill on Walnut Street at the Bell Telephone Building. We paid a Sears and Roebuck bill somewhere too, but I’m not clear exactly where that was. Sometimes, depending on our timing, we would head over to Mosteller’s Department Store or Grant’s to get some clothes for school before we headed home.

I miss those days of running errands with my Mom, Dad and brothers. Today, I pay my bills in about 5 minutes online while eating stale Doritos and maybe a banana.

Ahh… the power of convenience.