when the pain comes out at night.

only pain

lonely pain

long  minute

in the hours of night.

breathe dear chest

sigh hard

seek  strength

as you begin this plight.

as clock sees

the tears stream

their paths the same

once more.

as darkness blurs

the hope to view

what lies beyond such door.

tomorrow’s truth

may hope arise

as day’s harsh light begins

let peace within

reign o’er the soul

to flee the pain again.

ed.

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2 Comments

Filed under Poetry

2 responses to “when the pain comes out at night.

  1. Adam Albright

    I had a creative writing teacher bitch me out because what I thought was coming from the pit of my very soul turned out to be kinda weak, riddled with bad metaphors. She told me I could do better, and I was really angry about her critique at first — how dare she question the words of mine that came out of such pain?! Looking at the work later, though, she was right.

    That said —
    You can do better.

    Don’t shove the words into a convenient rhyme. Write about what the pain really is, the grip it has on you, the way it twists your perspective into a lie.

    What you have here is a decent start — but start over, and don’t limit yourself with structure or meter.

    I look forward to more of your poetry.

    • It’s funny Adam…
      I honestly have no formal training in poetry (or writing for that matter) other than high school. I sort of wing it by thinking of what I, myself, like to read and shoot from that with emotion.
      That being said…
      I appreciate and value any and all feedback and in particular any critique which forces me to try harder and reach further is my favorite.
      Thanks for reading and thanks for pushing me a little more.
      Ed

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