So this morning after I finally talked myself into having a great attitude for the upcoming day after a week of dismal sales, I came to THIS on my car roof.
One would assume that birds, having evolved from a world of terrifying dinosaurs that eat everything in sight down to these sweet little flying creatures that mankind now runs over on the highway with nary a break light and also has delegated to cages in your local Pet Smart, would want revenge with their little feathery minds; and what better way to do that than to sh*t all over my car? I was targeted I tell you!
Already running late for work, I had to speed down Route 202 trying to get all the lights so I wouldn’t have to STOP so small children could point and giggle at the guy with the sh*t covered car. There’s just something that’s not cool about that. Also, you can’t look professional or sexy when as you steal a glance at the car next to you at a red light through several white runny explosions of the diet of a full flock of birds.
So AFTER work, I immediately RUSHED to the nearest carwash and “flushed” the offensive excess excrement off of my vehicle. Whew! I felt SO much better.
I think tonight for dinner I’m going to make a STUFFED chicken or perhaps a big ol’ plate of WINGS. Bastards.