Poop fest.

So this morning after I finally talked myself into having a great attitude for the upcoming day after a week of dismal sales, I came to THIS on my car roof.

It’s as if the entire bird population of West Goshen decided that Ed needed a little public humiliation before the start to his day. I mean, it looked like a “poop fest” on the roof of my car!

One would assume that birds, having evolved from a world of terrifying dinosaurs that eat everything in sight down to these sweet little flying creatures that mankind now runs over on the highway with nary a break light and also has delegated to cages in your local Pet Smart, would want revenge with their little feathery minds; and what better way to do that than to sh*t all over my car? I was targeted I tell you!

Already running late for work, I had to speed down Route 202 trying to get all the lights so I wouldn’t have to STOP so small children could point and giggle at the guy with the sh*t covered car. There’s just something that’s not cool about that. Also, you can’t look professional or sexy when as you steal a glance at the car next to you at a red light through several white runny explosions of the diet of a full flock of birds.

So AFTER work, I immediately RUSHED to the nearest carwash and “flushed” the offensive excess excrement off of my vehicle. Whew! I felt SO much better.

I think tonight for dinner I’m going to make a STUFFED chicken or perhaps a big ol’ plate of WINGS. Bastards.



Filed under Life...

2 responses to “Poop fest.

  1. Lisa Kramer

    You could look at it as good luck. I mean, if a bird poops on you, that’s supposed to be good luck, isn’t it? It looks like you have a ton of luck coming your way. 😉

  2. Yeah, there is something about that white bird blasting that looks terrible on cars. Dirt, mud, grime are all tolerable, but not bird feces. It’s almost like your driving around in a sign that proclaims how much nature hates you. I used to have to park under trees at work- so I sympathize.

    I’m sorry to hear about this and I hope your revenge was swift and sweet.

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