Hello [fake smile], my name is Ed. Welcome to…

I sure do go through a lot of effort to make myself appear like a professional salesman for a large furniture chain that claims that two names say it all.

So if you come in the door and I greet you, you better damn sight smile and say hello. You want a discount on that futon? Smile. You want a GOOD discount on a microfiber sofa you best hold out your hand for a handshake. Looking for a rock bottom offer on a leather sectional? I suggest you get on your knees while I turn around and you kiss my ass. There! Now I feel MUCH better.

For the record, if you come into my store and I greet you and you hold up your hand as if to say leave me alone or if you treat me like something you scraped off the bottom of your shoe… well let me put it this way… you’re getting nothin’ from me. I don’t need my commission that desperately to be some sort of furniture “waiter” at your every beck and call.

So come in, sit down and relax in the land of your environment. I’ll even get your snot-nosed kids a couple of helium balloons and hope they pop in the car on the way home.

Ed (your “friendly” furniture salesman)



Filed under Life...

3 responses to “Hello [fake smile], my name is Ed. Welcome to…

  1. Lisa

    I’ll be afraid not to smile next time I go furniture shopping.

  2. LOL Lisa. Be afraid. Very, very afraid.

  3. You give out balloons at a furniture place??? I’m coming in to shop!
    Now, your not just filling me full of hot air are you……

    Love this Mr. ED!!

    spread the humor.

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