the gift.

It’s been awhile since I’ve written. Almost too long… but the mind has settled, the heart has slowed, the breathing has grown patterned once again and the fingers want to caress the keys from the soul’s bright spirit today.

I haven’t written lately because Daryl and I have been way too busy enjoying a summer FILLED with garden parties and iced teas, late night dancing ‘til dawn, orgies loaded with lube and Liza and dinners in Paris and cocktails in Amsterdam! Who the fuck am I kidding. I had no words to share. Period.

Many things have happened in the lives of Salt n’ Peppah in the past few months. Many things. We are on a twisted but determined path of continued growth as we look forward to a future filled with trials, tribulations, more challenges and… more lube and much less Liza.

One of the changes that we are looking forward to with great anticipation, is the birth of a grandchild in February 2012 (due date of 2/29 – Leap Year and SO appropriate). Ashley and Quintin told us (and my Mom) of their impending kidlet several weeks ago via a SKYPE conversation from Queenstown, New Zealand. Looking back in retrospect, I believe Daryl and I “like-totally” squealed as if we were two 12 year old girls at a Justin Bieber concert. Like a couple of scientists, we studied a blurry black and white ultrasound that Ashley held up to the monitor while she explained technically that our grandchild currently had a tail. Once our shrieking died down to a couple of very wide grins, the kids assured us that they were holding up well and are planning on heading back home to our area of the world toward Thanksgiving of this year. Sigh.

We were THE FIRST family members that the kids shared their news with (I found out later in the conversation, that we were considered the easy “dry-run.”) and we were told specifically (read: threatened) NOT to post on Face Book or my blog until they had shared their news with other family members and several friends.

We are VERY good at keeping secrets. Daryl and I didn’t tell a SOUL that we knew that had ANY link to Face Book or a computer. We told the mailman. We told one of the Mexican landscapers (who I think believes we were asking him to turn off his weedwacker). We told a lady in the checkout line of the ACME while she was looking at a People magazine with some pregnant model on the cover, and I actually told a design customer of mine who didn’t realize I WAS married to a woman several years ago and that I had three grown children at all, as she eyed me up and down skeptically while blurting, “No effin’ way you homo.”.

Daryl is as ecstatic as a show tune writer on an episode of GLEE. He is looking forward to a grandbaby… A LOT. He has always considered my children like his own. He has followed them with me through many things in the short seven year period that he’s known them. He’s been a very active part in birthdays, graduations, family game nights, holidays, dinners as well as my son’s difficult battle with drug addiction. They find Daryl adorable, caring, comedic and a very welcome member of our ever growing dis-functionally functional family.

It’s been several locked lipped weeks of laptop keyboard silence and I’ve had plenty of time to reflect and ponder on how “I” feel about being a grandparent for the first time. The age thing doesn’t bother me. You know, that thing where we THINK we’re still in high school and we’re not old enough to be a graaaannnnd parent. Fuck off, I like my AARP membership. I was a pretty good parent when the kids were small, so having a young kid around doesn’t intimidate me at all.

This child will have parents that rival Brad and Angelina with regard to spirit, tree-hugginess, intellect, worldliness, culture and love. One recent afternoon as I was driving home from work on a beautiful back road of Chester County during an unusually striking sunset, I began to tear up out of nowhere thinking about this new life, this new child growing inside MY child! I began to get emotional…

WHAT could I even begin to offer a young child at this stage of the game? Here is one half of a hopefully maturing interracial gay couple who basically lives from paycheck to paycheck in a job that pay the bills but is in no means what I aspire to be. I hang out with my guy when our mixed up work schedules allow with NEVER a full day off together unless I call out sick or plan way in advance. I don’t travel the world. My car is not a “Beemer,” and my suits aren’t Armani. So I wondered… what CAN I offer this child…

Then today… I read with much surprise and even more humility, this dedication to me from a fellow “blogster” whom I have known briefly in blog months (we write a lot of emotional stuff, so a month in the blogosphere is like a year or two in the real world). She, like I, continues to struggle with clinical depression on occasion and she has been “pourin’ her cotton pickin’ heart out” on her blog about dealing with the blackness, the loneliness and the strangling grip that this disease can have on people.

I believe she is an incredible writer and has a way of pulling out all the stops when describing the effects that this debilitating disease can have. I commented to her that I wanted to thank her for just being who she is. I told her she is a gift. I believe she IS.

That’s when it hit me about what I can offer this newest member of my growing insanely diverse family. The gift of truth. The gift of practicing non judgement. The gift of a world with less discrimination. I can not only speak about the amazing positive impacts of diversity but I (with the help of Daryl) can actually SHOW this youngster what it means to be honest with one’s self and what it means to be real with others. To not be as concerned with whether its important to wear the right designer dress or play in the dirt with American made trucks, as much as how important is to be a good person first… to care, respect and love whomever you want, whenever you want.

I personally, cannot wait!

(Please take a few moments to read PissyKittysLitterBox blog… she really is quite talented!)



Filed under Life...

14 responses to “the gift.

  1. Oh Ed…thank you so much…again. You my friend are going to be the most AMAZING granddad! Another thing you can teach that child, and will, is to love himself/herself. It’s so important during those first few, impressionable years to instill in a child that they are ‘perfect’ just the way they are. These lessons are the building blocks for what will shape their future. Many, many, congrats from my end!! You’re gonna love the miracle that is a grandchild.

    • Ahhh Miss Lou…
      Thanks AGAIN for continued touching of the heart.
      I wink to you with every first sip of precious coffee as I watch the sun rise another day. ; )

  2. I missed you guys so much! Again, the belly laughs I get from your writing is a scream! You two are going to be the best Pop&Pop ever. Glad you’re back.

  3. Congratulations! All the best to you, your family, and the grandbaby. So great to hear the good news. 🙂

  4. Which should I say first? Congratulations, or LOVE?! Lovulations? That just sounds so, so very wrong. But I love this post so much and am so excited for you that, damn it. Both. Just, both.

    The gift of truth is one of the greatest gifts that can be given. The truth won’t always be pretty, but if it’s also given with the gift of hope, there is very little in the world which its student cannot achieve.

    Both of my sisters are pregnant at the moment. My first guest blog entry, “due” sometime next month (mwa!) is about how I used to hate shopping and kids, whereas now–having seen the joy my son brought my mom as she died–I only hate shopping. I cannot wait for my sisters to learn this joy.

    Also? Daryl is as ecstatic as a show tune writer on an episode of GLEE. *giggle*

    • Deborah…
      I LOVE the word “lovulations” and am hoping you don’t have it protected legally ’cause I definitely plan on using that one in future writing (with it properly annotated to it’s inventor of course)! Thanks and best wishes to both sisters!! : )

    • OMG…I love the word ‘luvulations’ too! Deb, I think you may have coined a new, popular phrase, Dear. How clever of you!

  5. Lisa (Woman Wielding Words)

    I’m glad you are back and I want to thank you for the gift you give all of us with your words and your wisdom. Your grandchild is going to be one lucky child.

  6. Bravo! That made me tear up, you’re so heartfelt and I can truly appreciate your perspective. Bless you for being you and for sharing yourself with the world and your grandbaby to be!

  7. Liam and I congratulate you both on the impending birth of your grand child. It’s marvelous. You will give plenty but it’s who you are that really counts. And I just love the picture of the baby holding a rainbow flag.

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