It’s just SO hard.

I honestly didn’t think it would be this hard.

If I had a quarter for every time I’ve heard that… I’d have a dime.

Seriously though, today I “deactivated” my Face Book account. It had become part of my daily (mostly morning) ritual.

Keurig on.
Lamp on.
Laptop on.
Face Book on.
Click, click, space bar, click…

Checking overnight status updates from West Coast friends while I slumbered during the night and then touching base with regular “morning folks” over a cup of hot java while watching the sun rise or rain fall outside the sliding glass door of my flat.

I would always try to locate an inspirational quote or photo to start the day. Perhaps listing my plans for one of my two days off during the week, or what I was prepping to chef for dinner for Daryl and I that evening. I enjoyed playing keyboard exhibitionist. I guess I felt like there were people out there who actually enjoyed my life’s quirks, words, and moments. I kind of cared about theirs… sometimes, quite deeply.

I think I became a “LIKE” whore as well. Photos of Daryl and I out enjoying wonderful meals, movies and get togethers that would solicit comments and likes as if we were Hollywood celebrities. Perhaps it was the addiction of seeing positive reactions to the updates. Maybe it was simply a way to push good energy easily from the comfort of my couch.

I sometimes struggle to remember what I actually DID before my morning Face Book ritual and more urgently important… What do I do now? My fingers need that QWERTY interaction. My mind still needs to spill its unorganized and frantic thoughts onto the light of my laptop screen to eventually be exposed to the internet world.

I’ll blog again, like I did a year or so ago.

Hang on… Here goes…



Filed under Life...

10 responses to “It’s just SO hard.

  1. Welcome back to the land of blogging (not that I’ve been much of an active participant myself lately). I think we’ve all become “like whores” and meanwhile we’ve lost touch with what it means to be alone with ourselves. I need to start liking myself without the constant distraction of social media again.

  2. Christine

    Good morning Ed. I was happy to see your blog this morning as I was missing you already:) I look forward to more but I also hope you find something fun to do to fill your Facebook need:) Hope to see you in April.

  3. Cathy

    still listening!

  4. Wil Williams

    Our facebook connection contained all good thoughts and communication. I finally ‘got to know you’ and Daryl, something I had needed in my life was to know my cousin Ed. Through FB I found Daryl, once, my closest friend, and a person I cared enough about to wonder about for many years. I love you both!

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