Tag Archives: angst

The First Appointment of the Day.

by Ed Williams  
I need my coffee this morning. I’m up extra early today. Hell, it’s still dark out. For some reason, I scheduled myself for an 8:00 am dentist appointment. And it’s 20 minutes away. What was I thinking? 

I usually do that. On my day off, I schedule doctors visits, blood work, and prostate exams all before the day really gets started. I think it’s because I read somewhere that human beings are capable of tolerating more pain in the morning. Obviously, whomever did that study never had a good hangover.

I also like to get these things out of the way. I don’t like anticipating pain or discomfort. Once, I actually talked myself out of doctor’s appointment that was scheduled in the afternoon because I had too much time to think about it. 

Circle back to caffeine. Or lack of. I didn’t have time to relax with my second cup of joe this morning. I barely gulped down half the first. When I don’t have my second cup, I don’t feel complete. I get edgy. I end up looking for things to tick me off. I’ve been known to push the cat off the bed because she looks too comfortable. If my car doesn’t turn over at the first twist of the key, I freak out. I’ll shoot nasty looks at school age children playing in the road while waiting for their bus. All situations that I normally handle well when the level of caffeine is sufficient. If not, it just becomes ugly and I google anger management videos.

So as I’m sitting is the dentist chair watching the sun come up and waiting for the novocaine to kick in, I wonder. What if my dentist hasn’t had his second cup of coffee? If my dentist gets grumpy, will he slip? I don’t fancy a drill slipping and ripping my gum to shreds. What if he’s tired? What if he uses the wrong drill size? Dear God, what if he’s hungover and hasn’t had coffee? Dentists must drink heavily after looking into people’s mouths all the time. What if he stayed up too late playing bonus levels of Candy Crush and he’s extra tired? I hope he doesn’t take his lack of coffee issues out on me.

Obviously, I have too much time to ponder this terrible situation as the numbness takes effect and I attempt to spit graciously into the bowl as a stubborn string of saliva refuses to disconnect itself from my lower lip. And that’s a run-on sentence. And I need to pee.

I wish they’d get this procedure done quickly, so I can hit up a hazelnut at Wawa.


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5 emotions in less than 30 seconds.

**I dedicate this blog to my long-time neighbor Meg, who has several teenage daughters that she loves dearly as she surmises how to drop them off at the mall while possibly omitting to pick them back up.**

Kids. Teenagers. Brats. Still as self-centered and angst-ridden as we were back in the seventies. The difference today is technology and in my opinion, they are better dressed. Smart phones, Iphones, Ipods and other technology induced devices, bulge from the pockets of today’s youth.

I often imagine what MY teenage years would have been like had we had FaceBook back then. I had always “perceived” that I was somewhat socially networked, but I’m certain I would have paled in comparison to Rodger Blye or Anita Kelly. I’m sure that “super-jock” and “head cheerleader” from the Class of 1975 would have had to scroll for hours at the statuses of their lists upon lists of friends, dismissing “friend requests” like swatting flies away on a humid summer day.

I remember handwritten notes folded like triangles, all colored with pens and markers that had traveled with giggles and red faces from hand to hand until it’s final destination. THAT was our version of texting. Kids today type 250 words per minute (on a keyboard that only a Lilliputian from Gulliver’s Travels could see) with their THUMBS! My 11th grade typing teacher Miss Wright would think this SO wrong.

Emotions today are replicated with “emoticons” and an entire 30 second tirade of a teenage meltdown can look something like this:

:-),   =),  =(,  🙂   😦  :O  {: ] : \  =:O :-),  =(,  🙂   😦  :O  {: =),  =(,  🙂   😦  :O  {: ] : \  =:O

Seems much simpler with such little human interaction, and it would have saved tons of eyeliner and grass stains back in the day. Also, I could have conducted all of my dating via “SMH,” “LMAO,” and “WTF?” Pure teenage bliss.

The one thing that seems to have not changed, however, is a trip to the mall.


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