Maybe it’s because I only slept a total of two hours last night, but I’m right on the edge of sobbing at every commercial on TV that involves children, babies, pets, toys, and even feminine hygiene products. Hell, I even started tearing up at Macy’s Black Friday sale ad that I’ve seen no fewer than 6 times in the last hour.
Sure, it’s Thanksgiving Eve. Kitchens. Cooking. Slicing. Dicing. Fireplaces. Traveling. Bottles of wine. Cheeses. Rearranging the refrigerator. Then rearranging it again. And this year a little snow. Perfect, right?
Then why am I teetering on the tip of an emotional dip?
I think it’s because I’ve lost people again this year. Through death, dissolution, and sometimes just plain undernourished relationships. I should be getting used to it now that I’m getting older, but I’m not (getting used to it). We all lose people don’t we? If I could just get ’em back for this one day. Just this one time. I swear I’d be thankful.
I feel guilty for allowing this uncomfortable energy to invade a day when excitement, enticement, and enlightenment should all be served on the dining room table. Next to the gravy boat. I like gravy boats. And ladles. But I learn… WE learn… to mix the sad with the glad like bread chunks and sage.
After all… Thanksgiving is for the living. For the love. For folks that have things. Warm homes. Friends. Family. Laughter. Squealing kids. Nervous pets. Hugs all around. Carving new relationships. Safe relationships. Glasses clinking all around. Echoes of laughter not around.
I miss them today. Cheers.